Breathing again

Sorry to make you look at my picture so long (and no, that is not my body in the above shot!).

I pretty much spent the entire month getting together my applications for ivy-league-school-in-CT, and oldest-Episcopal-seminary here in NYC, so if I seemed a tad more distracted than usual, that is why!

There was the usual gathering of transcripts and letters of recommendation, but the really consuming part was writing the all important autobiography, and in the case of CT-school, a writing sample. I had a great deal of help in terms of fine tuning what I wanted to say and how I actually said it. I want to publically thank two people that slogged through the process with me, lending me their experience, intelligence, and kind generosity. My deepest gratitude to Bent Fabric, and DC Rush Hour!! You ladies rock!!!

It's been an interesting process trying to decide where I will go to school. I keep going back and forth. I suspect February may get dubbed the "ping pong month." But as someone said to me the other day, it's a win-win situation, and I heartily agree! More later...

Pics from England

I'm a little slow in posting these--my trip to England was last Thanksgiving. These pics are all from the day I spent touring Warwick Castle. It's an amazing place with history spanning a thousand years. A must see if you're ever across the pond!

Forgive the plethora of peacocks! ;)

My M&M Alter Ego

Stole this from my buddy JMK. (I obviously have too much time on my hands! Actually, I'm just brain dead from essay writing and needed a break! This totally cracked me up!)



Lemme know if you have an M&M alter ego too!

What color blue are you?

ok got sidetracked over at Sassy's, went to look up what happened in the year I was born, and ended up with this (apparently I'm periwinkle)...can we say attention deficit?!

You Are Periwinkle

You're very intuitive and sensitive. You often know other people better than they know themselves. You're also quite optimistic, and you think well of yourself and others. You know your dreams will come true.

What Color Blue Are You?

Since returning from Canada right before New Years, I have been collecting transcripts filling out applications, getting referrals, and writing my autobiography. Funny this process of preparation for seminary is pushing all sorts of buttons for me.

I've had literal dreams of going back to school for years. I wasn't ready when I was fresh out of high school and began my music degree. There were so many things I didn't learn or take advantage of because I wasn't ready. I've dreamed of getting a kind of “do over” and to be able to really throw myself into something I'm passionate about. And now the dream is coming true but inside I'm that high school kid again (in a 44 year old body). I'm scared and ashamed of being so.

It's not just that I want to be successful as an MDiv student. That's only part of it. It's that this MDiv is a step toward another dream--living out the rest of my life in service to God and others. As things continue to go forward step by step, I'm waking up from the dream and this voice inside me sneers, "What kind of delusion is this that makes you think you're good enough for that?"

This is an old and familiar voice. I've been bullied by it most of my life. I was reminded on Friday when I went to see "Freedom Writers" (which I highly recommend) that many people have voices that tell them they are inadequate, not good enough. But they are wrong. About all of us. That is why I love this quote by Marianne Williamson so much:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Ok, so time for me to get back to it—hadn’t actually meant to post at all, but there you go! (Wanders off, coffee in hand, repeating, “All shall be well; all shall be well; all manner of thing shall be well.”)

I'm sayin' it first...

...it’s another banner day for Canadian / American relations. (see article here)

(Don’t even start with me!)

(I mean it!)

And may I just add that if you're going to report on Canadian spy coinage you might want to go find a picture of a Canadian coin!

Another moment in the love affair...

I have had a love/hate relationship with this city for almost 19 years and I am ready to stop with the schizophrenia! Last night, as I sat in Avery Fischer Hall listening to one of the world's greatest violinists and conductors, I marveled at all the privileges that have been mine simply because I live in this great city!

I have adored Zubin Mehta for over 20 years and to watch him in collaboration with Pinchas Zukerman as they performed Beethoven's Violin Concerto in D Major was nothing short of thrilling. Mr. Zuckerman took my breath away with his virtuosity. And then watching Mr. Mehta conduct the NY Philharmonic doing Stravinsky's Rite of Spring was like having a dream come true. And did I mention that I was given the ticket?

I have seen some of the world's best singers, musicians, and shows while living here and every time I can't help but be awed by the privilege.

Welcome to the Nuthouse

As I continue to ponder the points I will make in my autobiography I am struck by the incredible inconsistencies in my own psyche.

Case in point, on the way to work this morning during my 7 minute walk from the subway (yes, I timed it, now hush up!) I experienced 2 extremes in my personality. I had a lovely chat with my favourite homeless person and gave him some money (and I really do like this man—I’m not one that feels that I must like all homeless people, or all rich people, or all any kind of people but that’s a rant for another day). Then moments later I found myself cussing out in my heart, and under my breath, the traffic cop who got bored and decided to wave on traffic while I was crossing ON THE WALK signal.

Do you think the seminaries should be warned about my penchant for going from Mother Theresa to The Terminator?

It's Wednesday, so she must have posted...

Just noticed that many of my posts are on Wed. Wonder if there's some internal blog clock going, "ding ding ding, wake up and post something!"

Anyhoo, Happy New Year Everyone! (Hey it's only the 3rd, so chill!) In fact, I could still be wishing you all a Merry Christmas as the season of Christmas does not actually end until Epiphany, which is Jan. 6th. (more trivia no one asked for--all part of my charm!)

Not much to say. Got back from Canada on the weekend and then did nothing. This was disappointing in many ways. I'd meant to get the writing sample done for my application to "illustrious CT school" as well as the autobiographies that both seminaries require. But did I write? Nope! Did zilch, nada, nothing. Did learn something interesting about my psyche though. I tend to avoid things at which I'm not sure I will succeed. There's a secret tiny voice that wants to be brilliant, and of course recognized as such, but doesn't want to test it out because it,
a) might not be brilliance at all,
b) might need to be fine tuned into something resembling brilliance (and I am NOT a patient person)
c) might be dismissed or misunderstood.

Well time to get over this interesting little anomaly!!! I did however, get my references organized and chased down the transcripts yesterday, so I haven't been a complete slug! This is going to be one interesting year...