Thursday, August 31, 2006

Playing hooky!

I just did something very sneaky…come closerI went to the movies, tee hee!

There’s no one here at the office, I had nothing to do, AND I felt the need to take revenge ahead of time for the stress that’s coming down the pike next week when my job changes (more on that later!). so there!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

And now for a moment of levity

A little boy was in a relative's wedding.

As he was coming down the aisle, he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd.

While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar.

So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle.

As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.

When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."

One Sunday in a Midwest City, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour.

The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle.

Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out.

Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"


A Sunday School teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"

One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

Monday, August 28, 2006

Bumpy flight / bumpy life

Had a great time in Canada this last weekend, even if I didn’t get to see Mars!

Funny thought on the plane last night. It was rainy and overcast which made for a 30-minute delay. By the time we were flying into the Big Apple airport it was dark and cloudy with zero visibility. Then the turbulence started. Drama queen that I am, I started to contemplate my mortality. A very humbling experience, especially if anyone other than God had heard my inner monologue! Of course I immediately related what I was experiencing to the journey of faith. It is scary when things are bumpy, you are completely powerless, you are being asked to trust in someone/Someone you can’t see, and your vision is completely obscured. It was this last part that was the most disconcerting for me. Somehow in my mind the bumpiness was going to be less frightening when I could look out the window and see the ground. There was something truly awful about looking out and seeing nothing.

So often I look out and can’t see and am tempted to despair. That’s why living alone on an island or being a hermit up on a mountain (did I mention I’m an introvert!) just will not work. To be human is to need and to give eyesight and perspective one to another. I can’t see over the hill but you’ve been there and can tell me about it. My mom gives me this gift when she tells me how things look from further on down the road. A priest who also happens to be a psychotherapist gave me perspective last week about the situation at my old church. Every time someone entrusts me with her/his story, I walk away strengthened and challenged. Maybe it can give me the courage to tell my own.

This post is already too long, but in the interest of not being cryptic I’ll tell a little bit of my story. When I began the process of discernment about becoming a priest I was at a very conservative church. I had not come out to myself let alone anybody else. When I finally did, I had to go to my priest and tell him. That in itself is a long story, but the end result is that he helped me transition to a new parish where I could be myself and continue pursuing my call. Here’s what continues to be hard: the man believes in my call, is committed to seeing a collar around my neck, has said that I deserve to be with a beautiful woman to share my life with, wants to know when I fall in love, and at the same time says to me that he believes homosexuality is incompatible with scripture. He believes this so much so that he has taken his parish out of The Episcopal Church, finding he has more in common with someone like a certain Nigerian bishop who was instrumental in passing legislature in his own country that criminalizes who and what I am.

To say that I feel hurt and betrayed would be an understatement.

Right now the challenge is to cry and be vulnerable instead of lashing out in anger. Anger is oh so much easier! On the upside though, I can say that I’ve been here before and it led to a place that was more right than I could have imagined.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Warning: mushiness ahead!

Ok, it's been brought to my attention that the magic carpet ride needs to come in for a landing.

There’s been so much on my mind lately. The last few days it’s been about my stepmother who just had double knee replacement surgery. She called me on Sunday to give me all the information and also to let me know that I should expect papers in the mail which will authorize me as a signer on her checking account. Oh and she’d checked about power of attorney as well, but that only applied if she was dead, so let’s not go there, and p.s. she also updated her will but everything’s going to be fine. Add to all this subliminal stuff, which only I may be picking up, but she’s also all alone in Florida and in her eighties. I’ve been praying constantly for her for 2 days and something about it all just kind of breaks my heart. My impulse is to get on a plane even though she declined my offer to be there with her.

My impulse is always to be present. Somebody I love hurts, I want to be there holding their hand or giving a hug. You’re going through a hard time and I want to be there to look in your eyes and give a smile. I understand that presence doesn’t necessarily fix or change anything, and yet somehow it does because whatever it is, is not experienced alone.

Which by the way, brings me to something else I’ve been wanting to say for a while now: thank you! Who am I talking to? That would be you. You reading. I did not expect to feel embraced and affirmed the way that I do. I did not realize that I would come to know people whose friendships touch me on a daily basis. I did not expect my heart to get involved with perfect strangers, but it has. You all remind me on a daily basis that I’m not alone, and that is a very big deal. Here ends the mushy moment—sometimes I just can’t help myself! ‘K gotta go—feeling a little verklempt! ;)

Saturday, August 19, 2006

A Whole New World...

for you and meeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!

Yes, it is indeed my friends. But do you know why? Is it the magic carpet? Is it the nattering monkey? Or perhaps that Jasmine now prefers women--or more specifically, me? (that would be nice...sigh...) But NO! It is that I, Zanne, have now entered the 21st Century and have just installed DSL! Suddenly I'm soaring at a speed that leaves me breathless! I can fly I tell you! I love it! Just one word people!


Wednesday, August 16, 2006


I didn't receive any notifications of comments posted today. (Luckily I have so much time on my hands that I kept checking back in order to respond!) But it does alarm me a bit that I might have missed a comment. I would hate to be rude! Anyone else have this problem today?

Also noticed yesterday that when I would visit y'all via the usual links that the site didn't update to the newest version. Consequently, I missed a bunch of posts because I didn't realized people had posted. Maybe it's just my computer, but I thought I'd ask to see if anyone else was having a problem.

Thus ends this public service announcement! Cheers! :)

Coincidence? I don't think so!

OK, so I have a confession to make that will confirm that when looking up the word “gullible” in the dictionary, you will find my picture there.

Someone sent an email around last week stating that Mars—The Red Planet—would be visible for a once in a lifetime viewing on August 27th. It was supposed to be the size of the moon and easily visible. So being the clever girl that I am, I thought, “Where better to witness this wondrous event but up in Canada at my mother’s beautiful house on a lake?”

Acting on my brilliant idea, I immediately booked a ticket for a long weekend north. (OK, I can hear the groans already—yes I finally was told that the email was a hoax—but the ticket was bought and I am going.)

Now here’s the cool part. Got a call last night from my mom that the mother of my godson is having a party thrown for her that weekend for her 60th birthday. Barbara is a very special friend who has known me since I was a very little girl and I am thrilled that it just so happens I will be home that weekend. See, I was meant to go! I just got mixed signals about why! Don’t you just love when things work out?

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Dinner with an Angel

Last night I had dinner with this lovely lady, her sister from England, and another friend Mindy. We went to a seafood restaurant on the Upper West Side, not too far from the convent.

I just have this need to say out loud, "I adore this woman!" She is well into her eighties and suffering all the accompanying indignities, but what affects her body never seems to touch her soul. She'll tell me that her eye sight is going or that she's got chronic neck pain, that she can't get around like she used to or read as voraciously as she's accustomed to, but it’s with a peace and acceptance that leaves me awed somehow.

I actually met with her last year so that I could ask her how she became such a person of grace. Life is hard for everyone and we all carry the marks, but I’m intrigued by the differences between those of us who become disillusioned and even possibly bitter and those who carry on with a peace, humility, and grace that is easily seen but hard to define. You know what she told me? “It’s living in community.”

Makes me think of the message I heard last Saturday about generosity. He wasn’t talking about money, but rather about living with a reckless kind of giving. Maybe the people to whom we listen and give attention, who we love, support, walk with, encourage, teach, assist, admire, are those that will make up our communities where grace happens and we are transformed by the pouring out of ourselves. I like the idea.

Thank you Sister Mary Christabel for marking my life with your love!

Monday, August 14, 2006

Comfort Incognito

Last week was tough—full moon, pms, people who want to kill us.

Gotta admit, getting up and hearing first thing about the foiled attempt to blow up several planes simultaneously coming into New York City, did nothing for my mood. Actually, what it did was throw me into a full fledged tailspin.

Having seen the first plane hit the World Trade Center, and then living through the surreal aftermath has probably left me with some kind of low grade post traumatic stress syndrome. When the weather was so beautiful this last weekend, what was going through my head? “What a perfect morning, just like it was on 9/11.” Can we say, “Time to move on?” (Aside: the grammar geek in me thinks that quote looks wrong—shouldn’t it really be “…move on.”? Ok, ok letting it go!)

Anyhoo, I’m much calmer today, in large part to the comfort I found being in church over the weekend. I went to a 10 a.m. service on Sat., which few people attend but which I always love for its quiet intimacy. During the sermon there was a stillness that I can only explain as electric. The priest managed to speak words of wisdom and reassurance while exemplifying all that I could want to be as a priest. Sunday morning was more of the same.

Then this morning my company’s weekly devotional service reminded me that God is still in control and that I need to refocus the eyes of my heart onto things that bring light, hope and beauty into my soul. Now that I think about it, I suspect God’s been comforting me all week long. It just took me a while to clue in.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

I've been tagged by Tropopause (again!)

  1. Grab the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).

“Chocolate Principles to Live By” (yep that really was the nearest book, at the office no less!)

2. Open the book to page 123.

3. Find the fifth sentence (grab next nearest book if fewer than seven sentences found).

4. Post the text of the next three sentences on your blog along with these instructions.

5. Don't you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.

6. Tag three people. Okay, I'll tag Sassy Femme, Perpetual Unbalanced, & Mad Hatter.

OK here they are:

“They simply know that their help will be more valued by, and therefore will be able to do more good for, people who appreciate and value their gifts.

Think about the ways you take care of and strengthen yourself. What makes you feel good?”

Interesting that when I went looking for an image of the book, this is the only one there was--apparently they changed the focus! Can't imagine why! ;)

ADDENDUM: I also tag Sapphire and DF!

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Confessions of a Grammar Geek

Spent yesterday in a proofreading class. Ninety percent of the class was grammar—and I LOVED it!!!! We took a quiz at the beginning of the class to see our areas of weakness and I only got 55%! Now this was somewhat of a shock to someone who considers herself bright and articulate. As it turns out, my intuitive grasp of prepositional phrases is less than adequate. I did score 99% however on a quiz of misused words—phew!

The 2 things that stand out from yesterday were a nifty tool that can be found in Microsoft Word that measures the grade level of your writing, and the lesson on “trimming the fat.” (Notice the period inside the quote—us Canadians and Brits have a slightly different rule—but I am now all sorted out, thank you very much!)

The trimming the fat section was on how to pare down the verbose bits—going to need lots of practice on that one! The readability bit—determining your writing grade level—can be found under Tools/Spelling & Grammar/Options then select the Readability box. Quite interesting for all you fellow geeks out there—I know you’re there!

Anyhoo, had a great time and am also grateful for the timing of the class, as it will help me to prepare for the GRE next month (shudder, shudder). More to come on that, I'm sure.

Friday, August 04, 2006

One Hundred Things About Me please try not to yawn!

  1. I am 47.
  2. My birthday is Bastille Day.
  3. I was born in Miami.
  4. I grew up in Toronto.
  5. I grew up in a household of women.
  6. My grandmother (Nanny) lived with us and was a wonderful cook.
  7. I still miss her.
  8. My parents divorced when I was 5.
  9. I have one sister and she’s one of my favourite people on the planet.
  10. My mother just turned 83 and she got married last year to a wonderful man.
  11. My father died of cancer in ’95.
  12. I am a Cancer.
  13. I love swimming and my favourite spot on earth is our cottage.
  14. I went to an all girls school.
  15. I have a Bachelor of Music in Performance for Voice.
  16. I sang the soprano solo in the Brahm’s Requiem with orchestra when I was 19.
  17. I have done the soprano solos in the Faure and Mozart Requiems as well.
  18. I came to NYC to do musical theatre.
  19. It didn’t pan out.
  20. I have done Gilbert & Sullivan roles and various musical theatre roles in community theatre type environments though.
  21. The best work I ever did on stage was as Princess Puffer in “The Mystery of Edwin Drood”.
  22. My favourite colour has always been purple.
  23. I also love blue and green.
  24. I love to swim.
  25. I can slalom water ski (or at least I used to!).
  26. I came out a little over 5 years ago.
  27. I love to read—always have.
  28. I also inherited an intense love for movies from my mom.
  29. A bonding moment for us was her taking me to see “Random Harvest” when I was 12.
  30. I also got to know the old musicals because of Mom.
  31. I have never been married and I have no children.
  32. I do have 2 amazing god children though who are in their twenties.
  33. I love children and they love me.
  34. I love to laugh, and some people think I’m funny. ;)
  35. I thought about being a nun.
  36. I’ve been to Bulgaria and Greenland.
  37. I am highly intuitive.
  38. I talk to strangers because they’re always talking to me!
  39. I hate being misunderstood.
  40. I’m trying to get used to it since it seems to happen quite a bit! :)
  41. I am single but hoping…
  42. I like my life.
  43. I heard Ella Fitzgerald in concert.
  44. I play the piano but not as well as I used to.
  45. I thought I wanted to be a hospital chaplain.
  46. That put me on the path to becoming a priest.
  47. It’s in the plans for me to be ordained in March 2010.
  48. I miss my family in Canada.
  49. I got paid to dance as a Trillium in a show once.
  50. I was also a nanny for newborn twins.
  51. My favourite job was working as an attendant in a group home for physically disabled young adults.
  52. I’ve been in NYC for 21 ½ years.
  53. I wrote songs as a teenager and don’t remember any of them.
  54. I love pine trees especially the ones with soft needles.
  55. I love coastlines with bluffs overlooking the sea.
  56. I’m particularly fond of British actresses, my favourites being Maggie Smith, Dame Judi Dench, and Emma Thompson (I think she’s incredibly sexy, not to mention brilliant).
  57. I am an Episcopalian.
  58. I am a passionate person.
  59. I love puppies!
  60. I was a Buffy addict when it was in reruns.
  61. I almost never catch a series on its first run!
  62. I was also a West Wing addict.
  63. Loved Allison Janney because she’s smart, funny, and a nut (oh yeah, and gorgeous!).
  64. I was a Xena addict before I realized I was gay (how obtuse was that!)
  65. I can and do laugh at myself on a regular basis.
  66. People have always told me their secrets.
  67. I’ve never really felt like I belonged.
  68. I feel less like that and experience much less depression since coming out.
  69. I am not a domestic goddess but have deep respect for those who are!
  70. I’m an idealist and romantic.
  71. I’m very sensitive and have an artist’s personality.
  72. I don’t seem to see things the same way as others.
  73. I love beauty.
  74. I love dark chocolate.
  75. I love all kinds of food—variety is the spice of life!
  76. I love all kinds of people—homogeneity does nothing for me.
  77. I am more awed by kindness and wisdom than worldly success.
  78. One of my dearest dreams is world peace.
  79. No I have never been a contestant in a beauty pageant!
  80. I believe in mystery.
  81. and in Mystery.
  82. I dream of being an agent of love, acceptance, and grace in the world.
  83. I dream of being with someone with whom I can pour out the love inside me.
  84. I believe in being true to myself because it’s the only way I can see being true to God and what S/He’s made me to be.
  85. I feel like an expert in grief.
  86. I saw when the first plane hit the Twin Towers on 9/11.
  87. I will not be seeing the movie about it.
  88. I believe that revenge only perpetuates violence.
  89. I get lost sometimes.
  90. I have the best friends in the world.
  91. I am deeply loved.
  92. The only part of me that’s ever been broken is my heart.
  93. I am pretty transparent.
  94. I’m hoping that anyone reading this is still awake.
  95. The first movie I ever saw was “The Sound of Music”.
  96. I love my naps.
  97. I’m desperate for this list to be done.
  98. I have two middle names.
  99. My eyes are green.
  100. I love to travel…so I’m outta here! Bubye!

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Help! I’ve been mangled…

and she can’t get out!! (imagine the above pic in a tight accordian shape!)

So, just had to share what the US Postal Service did to my passport—Express Service no less! Luckily this was my old one not my new one.

Still, it’s been interesting to witness the inner panic when I realized that since they destroyed my passport renewal package, and I had to redo everything and resubmit it, that I am in a position of not being able to leave the country! This does not make me happy. Not that I have a ticket or plans or anything…but I could have! I want to know that I can get out when the urge hits and I never know when that’s going to happen!!!!!

Upon further reflection, it occurs to me that the need to escape at a moment’s notice might also be traced to other areas of my life, like jobs, social commitments, and relationships… uh oh, think we’d better stop right there—too much reality!!!!

Time to escape, I mean go!

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

The meek shall inherit the earth…

…but will get screwed on the media. *heavy sigh*

I was all excited last night when I heard from a friend that there would be a debate on CNN between the Rev. Kevin Bean, vicar of St. Bart’s in NYC, and the Rev. Jerry Falwell on whether the events in the Middle East are signs of Armageddon/End Times/2nd Coming of Christ.

Well, the “debate” lasted maybe 5 minutes, Paula Zahn did more talking than listening, and JF came across as the patronizing defender of the true faith. The man is slick, I’ll give him that. He also managed to imply that Kevin is a heretic by throwing around the “well, we believe in the inerrancy of Scripture and you don’t” tactic. Most people don’t even know what that really means or where the term came from. But they do know that if you don’t agree with it then you’re a fake christian or something. *disgusted heavy sigh*

I know Kevin and he is an intelligent, compassionate, and godly priest who preaches holy, balanced, encouraging and life breathing sermons that inspire God’s people to act and live like they are just that—God’s people. That he came across as fuzzy, slow and possibly confused is unfortunate because he is most definitely none of the above.

What is more unfortunate however is that the media are much more interested in the Jerry Falwells, Pat Robertsons, and James Dobsons because they manage to sensationize Christianity.

I’m not so sure Jesus could get an interview if He came back now. Not much money in a message that’s about love, mercy, forgiveness, and peace. Violence and sex is what sells, even in religion it seems.

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