Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Epiphany #1

Just got back from Chicago. Went to visit the first of 4 seminaries that I’ve been charged with considering for the fall. I had a really wonderful time talking to the faculty and students. I sat in on one class that set my heart and mind aflame; ate dinner in the refectory, slept in the dorm, and attended 3 services in the chapel. Also had a mini-epiphany about this becoming a priest business (the first of many, I’m sure!!!)

And here it is:
To go away to school means having to actually leave!

I know - duh! It just hadn’t hit me before. I left my family and home to come to NYC 18 ½ years ago. I have connections here that I treasure and depend upon to keep me grounded and now I’m looking at walking away from that and starting all over again. And not only that but this life I’m in training for, is actually characterized by such beginnings.

To say that I’m experiencing a whole range of rather intense emotions right now would be an understatement. And to think the journey’s just begun…

(wanders off humming "The Long and Winding Road")


At 5:35 PM, October 11, 2006, Blogger Unbalanced said...

Wow, what a scary, yet exilerating place to be. I wish you luck in your decision.

At 5:55 PM, October 11, 2006, Blogger Syd said...

Gulp! Change is very hard for me. I don't envy this aspect of your journey.

At 6:21 PM, October 11, 2006, Anonymous shirlie said...

Just made the first jump----- did you like Chicago---- it is a very cold and windy city in the Winter--- just so you know! Virginia is warmer Ha!
It must be strange to think about this whole new world before you- now that it is really happenening.
Love you and I know you will be happy in this enviourment,

At 8:51 PM, October 11, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds like a huge step Zanne! But one you are ready to take. I believe that when you find the place or the thing that is right for you, you get a sense of wellbeing and clarity from it. I hope this path is everything you want it to be and I wish you the very best for your journey along it.

Love Thals

At 9:40 PM, October 11, 2006, Blogger SassyFemme said...

No matter where you end up, your family and friends will still be your connections; your foundation...especially in the world of cell phones and Internet.

So that aside... change is damn scary!

At 1:59 AM, October 12, 2006, Blogger KMae said...

You can always go back...
That is what I told myself when I FINALLY (after 27 yrs) left The City to move to a small house in NJ with my lover.

I DO miss it sometimes, but when we DO drive into the Apple, I realize it was another lifetime ago.

Have Faith (I KNOW you do,) & be of good courage!

At 4:36 AM, October 12, 2006, Blogger Random Reflections said...

Sounds a bit daunting but exciting. If you believe it is genuinely your calling then you will end up in the right place and be able to cope with moving on. Not that it will necessarily be easy.

"The Long and Winding Road". Good song, really hits the mark.

At 5:47 AM, October 12, 2006, Blogger Little Blue Petal said...

Hiya Zanne, I started a new college recently. It has been so long since I have actually written an essay or had to voice my ideas about anything that I really wasn't sure I could remember how to do it. I accepted the place anyway and am really enjoying it. My doubts lessen every time I attend and I have met so many interesting people there. I know this has been the right choice and am so happy I found the courage to do it! I am sure that attending the seminary will be a similar sort of experience for you. You seem so focussed and passionate about this life path and I think you will make a kind and wonderful Vicar! When do you check out the other seminaries? Where are they located? You could come to England to study! You are a CofE-type-Anglican right?? :)

At 6:23 AM, October 12, 2006, Blogger Gunfighter said...

Welcome back, Zanne!

Just remember, if you wind up here for seminary, you'll have built-in friends since Suzanne, Wendy, and I all live withing 15 miles from there.

At 10:29 AM, October 12, 2006, Blogger The Mad Hatter said...

Ah, I always find peace here, its amazing!

I had a rare thought, yes I do have a brain that I allow to think sometimes ;-)

Anyway, maybe you could marry fairy and I ;-) Not in a
three-way, but in a preistess way ;-)

Lots of love and Kisses and hugsssssssssssssssssssssssss, o, moreover I'm sending you lots of madness too, but I know your already there chick ;-)

At 4:33 PM, October 12, 2006, Blogger Sapphire said...

Hey woman where ya been? Okay I know you've been away for four days, but before that silly thing. Check out my latest posting in the forum. I hope you'll stick around. We miss you there. We need your wisdom.


At 9:10 AM, October 13, 2006, Blogger Zanne said...

Hey UnB, thanks for your understanding and support--always means a lot to me! :D

Syd, I'm more like you than you know with regard to change. Guess I'll have to live vicariously through you. ;)

Shirlie, what little I saw of Chicago, I loved. The seminary is actually in Evanston which is so a college town. Really liked the feel of it. I know, not really loving the whole brutal winter thing, but hey at least it'll be reminiscent of my youth! I'll catch up with you in more detail in the next few days! Love you!!!!!!!!!!

Thalia, you are sweet--thank you for your words of wisdom and encouragement. I really am excited about it, especially because I sense it will take me places that I haven't even really imagined. I'm glad for your company! :)

Sassy! You are so right (as usual)-- family and friends, will still be there in the ways that matter. And did I mention that the whole school is set up for wireless internet?!! ;)

KMae, yes I can come back and you're right it won't be the same. I just have to remember that that's not a bad thing. Moving forward in life is the point and I so appreciate your encouragement and support!!!

Random Reflections, thanks for your true words! Sometimes you just need to hear someone say them to remember that they're true--thanks for that!

LBP, wow good for you!! Thanks for sharing your experience--I feel inspired and very encouraged!! It's always good to hear that you're not the only one! I'll be checking out 2 more during the first 2 weeks of November and hope to visit the last one sometime before Christmas. One is here in the city, the other is in Connecticut and the last one is outside of Washington, DC. And you've found me out--I would love to do a year in England!! That's actually something I asked about while visiting last weekend. Yep, I'm Anglican, although there are many parts of the world that won't accept my ordination because I'm a woman. But the times, they are achangin'! We'll see what happens! :D

GF my man! That's very encouraging to know that I'll have some built in buddies! 'Cause in the end, one way or the other, it's all about community, right?! Take care you!

Maddie! I'm glad you find peace here--I take that as a huge compliment! I'm afraid you might have a long wait before I'm allowed to marry people--3 years of seminary and then another year in which time they'll ordain me as a transitional deacon and then as a priest. But I love the thought! Thanks for all the love and madness!! Hugs!

Sapphire, I went back yesterday and was glad to hear what's been going on. I did check out the BIG NEWS on your blog and wrote you--hope you got it! But if not let me say here, Congratulations Sweetie! Wishing you and DF a world of happiness!!! Hugs!

At 9:56 AM, October 13, 2006, Blogger Trop said...

Change is hard... but it is also very renewing.

At 12:25 AM, October 16, 2006, Blogger the only daughter said...

I sure Chicago, Evanston, or wherever will welcome you with open arms.

If you wind up in my neck of the woods, give a holla. How do you feel about spaghetti?

At 3:44 PM, October 16, 2006, Blogger Zanne said...

Trop, keep reminding me, because you're right! Hugs!

Only D, ooo I LOVE spaghetti! :D


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