Feeling Trapped

Woke up this morning and decided I would take a vacation from all things currently causing me agita—the violence in the Middle East, the upheaval in the Episcopal church, the betrayal of my old church, the fact that I’m going to die alone (couldn't find the Drama Queen smiley face!)…
(and it’s not even a full moon nor am I pmsing—be afraid, be very afraid).

But then I found myself writing a response to an article that a friend had posted on her forum and realized that heartbreak held in is worse than heartbreak released, so here I am “releasing.” I wrote:

“Beware all religions that exist to support agendas devoid of love, respect, humility, and grace.

Makes me think of a book I read yesterday where an older lesbian couple were gunned down in their own yard by a hate-filled neighbor and the defense was that he finally lost control because he couldn't take living beside this perverted affront to his Christian sensibilities.

I am so incredibly tired of listening to people's excuses for their ignorance and hate, and I am sickened beyond words that it's justified by calling themselves Christians.

I have to wonder if I'm going to spend the rest of my life apologizing and explaining that that is NOT what Christianity is really about. It's as bad as the non stop barrage of gay stereo types that seem to continually fly about unchallenged. Maybe that's why I'm so depressed right now. I feel so caught in the middle. I'm surrounded by Christians who desperately need to be challenged on what they think they know about what the Bible says about homosexuality, and I live in a world where people are coming more and more to associate my faith with a narrow exclusivity whose sole purpose seems to be to practice a hate and prejudice inspired oppression.

I seem to spend so much of my time wishing or actually trying to get people to let go of their preconceived ideas and consider something different. Something not defined by arrogance and ignorance and judgment and hate.”

I’ve been told: Let it go. Don’t take things personally. Trust God.
All amazingly great advice. So what’s stopping me? I’m an idiot savant in empathy and intuition; I can’t avoid my own life; and if God wills, I will be ordained an Episcopal priest sometime in the next 5 years. (Didn’t know that didja?!) OK, so it’s clear—gotta grow up, let go, trust in God, mature in faith, and develop a deep abiding confidence and peace that “all shall be well, all shall be well, all manner of things shall be well.”
And I thought seminary was gonna be hard!